i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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