i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
