can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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