They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
