New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
