She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
