I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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