apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
