Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He is an equal opportunity slut.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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