dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
FUCK WHALES
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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