sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
