Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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