u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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