I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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