Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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