Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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