My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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