a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
