I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
