meet me or not, i'm out of control
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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