Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
