i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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