I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
