with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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