Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
