Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need to align my fucking chakras
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
