how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
