some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
