it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
