thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
