where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
