I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
