i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
