found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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