shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
