Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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