All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
