I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
