Umm I'm too high to move.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
