I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize