I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
