One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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