just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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