Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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