two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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