I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
