i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
