Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
