This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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