so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
