dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
