Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize