I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
