The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I see more hoeing in ur future
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
