she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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