16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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