the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
