a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
