Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
