does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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