I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
