Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize