I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
