Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
