Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
