So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
