Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
