Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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