I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
