Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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