Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need a beard to bite.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
