i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
