do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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