Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
