in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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