you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
