I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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