dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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