it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
