Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize