dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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