Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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